i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
