I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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