Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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