Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
