There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
