Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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