she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
