Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
