so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
