Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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