we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
