Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
