I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
