k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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