Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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