I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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