This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we're making bets on your personal life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
