I just made out with a guy for $7.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
