Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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