Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm passing your future prison.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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