last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
