Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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