Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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