dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
