I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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