I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
