Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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