1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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