So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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