I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
