Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
