The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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