I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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