I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
