If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
