Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
