He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
