is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
