Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
