I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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