I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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