Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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