need another drink. this is the easiest way
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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