did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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