Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
