I wish I only lived at night.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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