I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
