I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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