would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
