at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
