Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
