put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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