you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
