I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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