What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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