hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
